But I do owe you, my loyal blog buddies, an explanation for my long absence.
2017 has been, in so many ways, the most difficult year of my life–no small statement, since I’m 68.
On November 5, my beloved cousin, my heart-twin and trail boss, Mary Ann Bleecker Readman, passed away after a long and difficult illness. Since I was only six months old when she came into the world, I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t a big, big part of my life. Without her, I feel like a table with a leg missing. I’m pretty much lost.
Of course grief touches everyone’s life, at time or another; none of us are exempt.
She was the strongest person I’ve ever known, except for my dad, and she could be really bull-headed. (Also like my dad.) From the time she was quite small, she could buck bales with the best of them, out in the hayfield, and she could drive anything–logging truck, tractor–you name it. We were so different, and yet so very close.
My brother, Jerry, tells a great story about our cousin, and I’d love to share it here. He was in elementary school, and it was Halloween day; in a place as small as Northport was and is, kids dressed up and went out trick-or-treating as soon as the sun set, hitting every house in town, a much-anticipated event. Sometime in the afternoon, one of the local bullies cornered him and said, “I’m going to get you tonight.”
Jerry considered the threat, then replied, “May you will, but you’ll have Mary Ann to deal with tomorrow.”
Need I say more? Nothing happened that night; my brother trick-or-treated in peace.
That was Mary Ann. She was kind and generous to a fault, but she was also ranch-tough. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was bullying–especially when the victim was her kin. 
I only wish I were half as strong as she was, but I’m not. I miss her every moment of every day, and for a long time, I couldn’t write or do anything constructive.
Now, I’m doing all I can to keep it together, get back on track, etc. My cousin made it clear before she left us that she wanted me to get my act together and carry on, write my books, live my life.
Guess I’d better do it.
After all, one of these days, I’ll have Mary Ann to deal with.
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Hi Linda, Sorry for your loss. In time you will get back to your writing. You just need the time it takes to process the grief. If any of us can do anything for you, just reach out.
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Welcome back
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So very sorry for your loss but also very happy for all the wonderful memories you have. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best way to honor her memory. Live your life to the fullest knowing she is always there with you
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Sorry for your loss.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m 74 and the youngest of 6 girls and they’re all gone now. I’ve lost so many of my friends along the way as well as my husband. This is one of the hardest part of being allowed to grown old. I miss them all so much, but we have our memories, Linda.. So… remember the good times and the pain will ease. My husband’s been gone almost 18 years and I miss him as much as ever but can remember the good times. They weren’t all good, but we can choose to remember what we want to. You have to keep writing as I need your books. They are my old friends also. Love and Hugs to you. Merry Christmas, too!!
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Hi Linda. So good to hear from you; I knew something must be going on and was hoping all was well. I’m so sorry for your loss. Mary Ann must have been quite a force. But, then again, she still is in your heart.
Creative juices run on their own schedule. Take care and heal. However, after a time putting the creativity in motion will be followed by the passion.
And the “68” thing. Sorry, not a good reason. With health and support, forget the number and “live.” What a waste to not. Just remember that spry and productive 90-somethings think that you’re a kid.
Be well. Happy holidays. Be gentle with yourself.
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Great post!
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Yes please get back to your books, we love them so much and don`t want you sick or upset. Merry Christmas to you and your family and a Happy Healthy New Year also
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Linda, you were on my mind just today and I wondered why there had been no blog words from you. God bless and keep you in your sorrow. It takes time, lots of time to get through the loss of a dear loved one…so take your time and know we, your readers, will be waiting for you when you feel better. Have a Blessed Christmas!
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Can I “ditto” this very well written/said post!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!!
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My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my Mother and my Sister three weeks apart. My Mother was 95 and had dementia. My sister battled cancer for 6 years and the last 2 years I took her to doctors appointments, chemo treatments and anywhere she needed to go. I would call her every night to check on her and it took me months to stop picking up the phone. I hope you find peace soon and she stays a wonderful memory for you.
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So sorry for your loss!! But so glad you let us know what happened. I was afraid you dropped me off your posts.
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You know how sorry I am for your loss. God brings
you comfort and peace…you have been dearly missed and I love you. As someone once told me when I was mourning, (and it struck a cord with me)
“Everything you need is right in front of you”
I hope your fans, your family, friends, fur babies and our powerful God will bring you Happiness in the very near future! Hugs and kisses!!!
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Another post that is so well written!!
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I am sending prayers your way. I am glad you wrote to us; I was wondering how you were doing.
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So sorry for your loss. It is difficult at any time, but at the holidays it seems like a heavier load to bear. God Bless and may He hold you and yours in the palm of His Hand.
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Sorry for your loss
Strength to carry on and continue with your life’s work
Merry Christmas
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Linda,
So sorry for your loss.
Please take care of yourself. Hopefully 2018 will be kinder.
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Definitely had been worried about you. So happy that you are back even in a small way. As you said, Mary Ann wouldn’t want you to miss out on life. Life without a loved one will always be different but she will be with you every step of the way. Hugs.
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Sorry, hope you get it together. Merry Christmas
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So sorry to hear about this and I hope things come together for you soon, we have missed you. I think 2017 has been a rough year for everyone, I know it has been for me and my family, but we did make it though the year. Take care of yourself and we will all be thinking of you.
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So sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to get back to yourself, we will wait patiently for new books. Love you!
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So very sorry about the loss of your dear cousin. It has come to me through loss that everyone grieves in their own way, so do what you need to do to heal. Have missed your posts. Take care and blessings to you.
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I do hope everything gets better for you soon. I so enjoy all your stories and I’m looking forward to many more.im in my seventies and have lost so many dear cousins, parents, and 4 years ago my husband of over 50 years. So I can really empathize. But life goes on as the saying goes.
All my best wishes to you. May you have very Blessed Christmas.
Jeannette
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Linda, as much as I miss reading your new books, I can and still read your wonderful stories already published. When the time is right, the words will begin to flow and you will have trouble keeping up. (I sure Linda will there with you. ) Your fans are loyal, and we will not forsake you. Looking forward to reading your next book.
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So sorry for your loss! You will get thru this, it just takes time. I’m sure all your readers will understand. I know I do. I was thinking about you yesterday and was wondering what was going on. Happy holidays.
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You are in our prayers Linda! Remember that you will meet Mary Ann again.
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So sorry for your loss, please know we’ll keep you in our prayers, and Happy Holidays
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Merry Christmas sweet Linda! I’ve thought about you the last couple of months, wondering why we hadn’t heard from you. I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m saying prayers for your healing and comfort! May God bless you this coming year! Take your time getting back to your wonderful writing. We can wait! Love you much dear Sister!❤❤
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Glad you let us know what was going on, had been very concerned… Marjorie Hawkins wrote exactly what I was thinking as I read the long list of comments. Memories! That is what helps & will stay in your heart forever. I am 82 and have lost so many loved ones. My husband a long time ago, 1990 & we had only been married 35 years. He was he love of my life & I still miss him. Just take your time, go through your grief, which am sure you know about & pull those memories out! They will get you through. You are on my prayer list & He will always be there for you.
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Please accept my sympathy and understanding. It is so hard to deal with that kind of overwhelming loss and sorrow.
God bless you with comfort and increasing peace.
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My prayers are with you. I was concerned as well.
Linda
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Dear Linda,
I’m so sorry for the devastating loss of Mary Ann. I pray the Lord will strengthen you and show you the way. You’ve lost quite a few dear ones in the recent past. My beloved step-mom passed away 12/22/2010, so today is a day of sad memories. Take the time you need and do what you need to do to recover and grieve. Cherish the people and critters you still have with you! Don’t write until you are mentally ready. We will wait! We have a treasure trove of your work in our libraries, and I’ve already re-read a couple of your Christmas stories. I wish you God’s comfort, and remember we want you to be happy and healthy in due time!
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There is a time of morning/grief, it is needed. Then as they say you have to get on with your life, we do look forward to your stories, please keep going. You mentioned 60+ years oh how I’d like to see them again. Our prayers for you in the loss so close.
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So sorry for your loss! I lost my Dad last year on Dec 31 and I still can’t get over the sad feeling! Plus my wicked sisters are keeping his ashes away from me!
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Hugs to you, Linda. I am sorry to hear of your loss of your cousin. Life feels hard to keep going, yet we all must. Keep her memories of the two of you close and constant. God bless you and keep you during this Christmas season and thru the coming year.
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Linda, so sorry fo royur loss! She sounds like shs was a wonderful person. I know a young girl here abouts just like her. She could throw hay bales into the hay mow better than any boy around then put on a pretty dress and wow those same guys!! Last year she lost her younger 21 yr old sister very suddenly. Your are right we all grieve in different ways, but dont sell yourself short, you have strengths that others dont! We all have our niche in life, your strength is in the written word. Your books bring hope, and dreams and the joy of living to so many. Me included. The best way to honor your precious cousin is to write, write, write, make her your muse for a new story. Much love and prayers coming your way! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thank you for all the words you have shared with not only me but the world!
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So sorry for your loss. My love and prayers to you and your family.She will always have a special place in your heart.
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You’re tougher than you think, Linda. Go for it!
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So sorry for your loss! You cousin sounds like a total character! Thank you for sharing her story!
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Linda, so sorry to hear about your counsin/sister of your heart.
I knowthat you miss her so much.
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Dear linda
I am so sorry that this year has been a time of emotional pain and challenges. I have missed your wonderful blogs. You will be in my prayers. May you be blessed with peace, comfort and strength in the days to come and in the new year.
Sincerely
Dixie
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Deepest sympathies.
Grief manifests differently for each person. Do what you need to do to find your new normal. We await.
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Sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was the best kind of person to know. She also sounds like one of the characters in your books. She will be missed and you can keep her in your memories and in your heart till you meet again. Try to have a good holiday and celebrate it the way she would have done.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS, LINDA! MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS AND A BETTER NEW YEAR.
GET “WELL” QUICK!!!!
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I’ve wondered what was going on with you – I had hoped it was that you were deep into your writing. So sorry to hear that your cousin passed. Getting used to someone not being here anymore takes a long time to get used to. Remembering her is the best way to honor her, and stick some of those memories in your books to share with the rest of us. Keep yourself healthy & try to enjoy those who are still with you.
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Grief over a loved one, I know well. You have to grieve, and find a way to go on. it’s not easy, and it never goes away; you just find a place to put it, so you can go on. I’ve buried a son, and a husband, and never got to hold a longed for great grandson. You have the strength, and many supporting you.
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Oh Linda, I’m so very sorry you’re in so much pain. Your cousin sounds like she was a constant figure in your life. Grief can be so crippling. No one can tell you when to stop because until you’ve dealt with and released the grief, however long it takes you’ll hurt. But how luck you were to have a Maryann for all these years. When I lost 2 brother a year apart at 50 & 52 and my Mom a year later I felt like a zombie, unable to move forward. My grief was so deep and draining . I decided to get a journal and pour my feelings, anger, mad, sad etc etc in those pages. It was a great help because towards the end I was writing how thankful I was to God for giving them to me in my life. I pray you’ll find a way for your grief to reach a point where you can move forward a little bit more everyday. We’re all here for you Linda.
Carol Luciano
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The older we get the more we loose our loved ones. Prayers for you, know that she is still with you always, til you meet again.
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Sorry for your loss. Everything takes time. will remember you and your cousin in my prayers.
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Linda,
I am so sorry for your loss. It does take time to learn to go forward without an important person in your life. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer about 3 years ago and I still “talk” to her frequently. It took me awhile to learn to have confidence in my own decisions instead of getting confirmation and support from her. I still feel her presence in my life but wish I could talk to her again. It will get easier, then you will find the inspiration you need to begin writing again. We will be here for you then.
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It is very hard to loose someone you love. May you find yourself getting better everyday.(I know it is a cliche).thinking of you .jmw
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Linda, I’m sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. Glad you’re back.
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So sorry to hear of your loss, Linda. I have missed your blogs. God bless you and give you peace.
Merry Christmas.
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Linda , so sorry for your loss ! I am sure she is watching over you . Have missed your posts . Have a better New Year !
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Sending you support during this challenging time. You are such an inspiration to us with the books you write. Maryanne has become an Angel to support and inspire you in your life. Take care of youself and know that you have one more angel in your corner.
Tammy
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Sorry Linda, Give yourself plenty of time to heal from this grief. We will be here when you are ready, and so will your faithful book readers.
Sending you warm quilty hugs.
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So sorry for your loss.
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My condolences on your loss. Like you, I lost someone integral to my life in October, my twin sister. It is hard to imagine a life without her but I know she would want me to push on. I’ll pray that God gives both of us the strength to get through this. With time, I know He will.
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God give you peace and comfort and know that he’s there for you
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Wishing you peace, love and comfort. Memories will help and hurt, but you will be stronger for all the tough times. God be with you.
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Welcome back, Linda! My sympathies to you and your family for you loss of a beloved aunt.
Merry Christmas to you.
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Condolences on the loss of your cousin.
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So sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for you and your family
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Take the time you need quilt free!! It’s very painful to watch a loved one suffer and pass. The sense of loss and emptiness is so heartbreaking ! Linda, Have complete faith that Mary is right by your side watching over as she always did pay attention to the little things that remind you of her. This level of faith and love in any relationship will never stop.
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So sorry for your loss…,I,too lost a friend of 18yrs this month…my heart and prayers go out to you…
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Linda, Losing a loved one is so hard, but remember that she is with our Lord and Savior. You two will meet again.
We all love you Linda! 2018 is going to be a great year for you.
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May God comfort you in your loss. Hopefully, time will help and knowing you will see her again some day.
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Linda, I am so sorry to hear that you have been having such a difficult year. You have my heart felt sympathy as you travel this journey without Mary. You’ll find your way back, I’m sure of it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Remember the good times, there are more memories to be made.
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I knew something terribly wrong had happened. Just last week I even googled your name to see if I had missed something, but nothing popped up. It’s good to hear from you again. You must have had a wonderful relationship with Mary Ann. Her memories will serve you as you heal from her loss.
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I’m so sorry for your loss! Prayers and Hug’s going up for you!
I’m glad you have returned to your writing! When we are told to carry on in our life here, best do it! I cannot wait to read the next book you have coming out! I have never read an author than keep wanting to read till the end. Debbie MacComber and Susan Wiggs come second and third! Best Wishes for you! Evelyn
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Sending thoughts and prayers. I’m so glad you’re back and I’m looking forward to your next book.
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So sorry for your loss. God Bless
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Losing loved ones is difficult and I am sorry to hear about your cousin. She sounded like a magnificent woman. I just lost my Aunt last Christmas. You never stop thinking of them, but you the pain does begin to subside eventually. Hang in there. Love and prayers are headed your way from Texas.
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My heart aches for you. I know what it is like to loose cousins. My first one was only 16 when she died and the next one was 56. Too young to loose both. But we keep them in our hearts and know that they are looking over us and have kept us safe.
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Oh Linda, I am so sorry for your loss! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
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So glad to hear that you are alright. I was worried about you because you hadn’t posted on your blog in such a long time.
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Linda, I am so very happy to have finally hear from you. I heard through the fan grapevine you had a death in the family. I am so sorry to hear about your cousin’s passing. Just think she is no longer in pain. She is probably dancing with Jesus on the golden road. If you had the power to bring her back, you wouldn’t. Who would want to come back to this sinful world after being in heaven. So think about the good times with her. Put her in one of your books. It will help you to write about her. Just know you have people who love you and I am one of them even though we have never met in person. Take care of yourself. Can’t wait for your next posting.
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Happy to see you back, Linda, but sorry to hear of why you’ve been gone.
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I was sort to hear of your loss. I wish you joy that in knowing her and being a part of your life that, you will find you will find peace. I wish you many blessings in all you do. Merry Christmas
Karen M.
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Linda, so very sorry for your loss. Prayers for comfort and for you to maybe channel some of your McKettrick heroines.
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Lindy,I am so sorry for the emptiness. Your words of love for Mary Ann are beautiful. And you are so right about carrying on. She’s watching! Cousin Lane
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I kept wondering why you weren’t writing in your blog and I have been waiting for the Civil War books! I lost my mother when I was only 32 years old, a sister when I was 53, my father when I was 58 and another sister when I was 60. It never gets easier. But, time can help you to accept it and learn to live with it.
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I wish to state that I am sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.
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Linda,
Sorry for your loss. As you said, your cousin would want you to carry on, but we know it is hard. Take one day at a time and remember the fun things. It sounds like you had a special relationship and with that grieving will take a while. Sending hugs.
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Sorry for your loss. It’s good you get back on a routine to bring some normalcy back in your life. One day at a time. Don’t rush into it. God Bless You.
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Sorry for your loss. You have been missed by many. Just know that you are not alone ❤️. Enjoy your Christmas as much as you can. God bless you
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Really missed your blogs. So sorry for your loss. Will send up a prayer. Know you are not alone. Your fans are with you always.
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Linda it is so hard on all of us when we loose a dear person. Just think you have some wonderful memories to remember. If writing helps you get by then girl get with it. You will always have your friend in your heart. Prayers coming your way. God be with you always.
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So very sorry for your loss. God be with you in your time of need.
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Glad to hear from you again! Sorry for your loss.
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Oh Linda, I’m so sorry. I knew something was wrong when you didn’t update the blog. I think we were all pretty worried.
Please take whatever time you need to cope with this, and please be sure to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Loss and grief are never easy, and they can be especially hard at this time of year (unfortunately, I know this through experience). Take one day at a time and try to focus on all the good stuff you can.
And please know that so many people care about you – and you can definitely count all of us here at the blog. You brighten so many days, you know.
I’m sending prayers, all good and positive thoughts, and lots of hugs.
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I wondered what had happened to your blogs. So sorry for your loss.
Writers’ block happens to all writers and I am sure you will get your mojo back.
Happy new year and stay focused.
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I am so sorry. From your description Mary Ann sounds like a very special person and a blessing. Everyone must grieve in their own way. There is no right or wrong. I’d love to hear more about her, if you don’t find it too hard to blog about. Thank you for sharing the Halloween story and thank you for being you.
Happy New Year and God bless.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I’d love to have met Mary Ann. She sounds like a McKettrick, or a Creed, or a Ballivan, or a Lael!
Base a character on her and she’ll live forever! No, it won’t be the same, but it might help you heal.
When my life gets so crazy that I can’t write, I can get back my creative muse by doing something else creative. Maybe you’ll have to take a few months to focus on your other artistic endeavors like painting!
I love your stories, and I LOVE your characters–especially your cowboys.
God bless you and yours,
Lorelei
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Dear, Sweet, Wonderful Linda, I know how difficult this year has been… So many losses for the Northport community. I am so sorry for your loss. I know I was hit hard by a few as well, including my dad, Lloyd Campbell, who lived and died in the house he and my mom built on Deep Creek. It was bittersweet to sit in the house I grew up in and watch my grandchildren, as well as many other grand-children and great-grandchildren and miss my mom and dad as holidays, especially Christmas, were so important to them. Knowing that I would never see my dad sitting in his chair next to the fireplace was so difficult. I know many other families from the community were adjusting to a new “normal” without loved ones….including you and your family. My love and sympathy are with you.
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I am so sorry for your loss Linda, It sounds like Mary Ann was a very special person, and I know exactly how you feel my Author friend. Sending you lots of Love and prayers !!
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Believe me I know what you are going thru. I lost my oldest daughter in August to a leg wound that shouldn’t have taken her life. It is really hard to realize she is gone, and you just have to keep your chin up, and keep busy. All the best to you in the New Year.
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Hello Linda, yes this year has been very hard. I am so sorry that your heart is so heavy & hurting. Praying God will give you & your family some peace within at this sorrowful time. As u carry on in your writing know that your own special Angel is watching down on you smiling. May Mary Ann guide you every day. GOD BLESS YOU & YOU FAMILY
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Dear Linda:
Just logged on for the first time. Thank you, for sharing with us about your cousin. Your books have helped thru many rough times. Grief does not have a time schedule. May you have comfort from the memories of Mary Ann. God be with you. Love Shadow
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Linda, I’m so sorry for your los of a very fine family member.
I wish all families could have someone like that to look up to.
But, for now, you have to deal with us and we love you. You
are not just a great writer to us; you are a personal friend. One who shares openly with us about what you are going thru
and helping us see into our own lives because of the things
you share.
None of us knows (except God) what 2018 will brings to us, but
I wish all of us good blessings and peace. Oh do I love peace!!
Take care.
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My sister & I offer our deepest condolences to you for the loss of a loved one, Mary Ann. We were checking release dates when we read of your loss. My sister & I both love & read all your books. You are in our prayers Tinna Doub & Pam Hedrick
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Hi Linda checking in on you. Hoping you are doing somewhat better. I was thinking you and checking the last time you checked in.I hope your fur babies are doing well and that your trying to get back to some type of normalcy. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping hearing from your fans helps with your healing.
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Happy New Year Linda, wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. Keep yourself warm in Spokane and fur babies close.
Big Hugs
Tammy
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Thank you for years of entertainment from your books…I’m sorry for your loss…it won’t be easy that knot in your heart will take a long time to heal…one day you’ll wake up and it won’t hurt as much and you’ll move forward (always move forward) you both were lucky to have such a great love
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
God Bless!
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Linda, Just wondering how you are doing? I know losing a loved one is never easy, especially one you are so connected with. I am sending you my sincerest condolences and hope with each passing day you are finding good memories and moving forward. Looking forward to your return here when you feel ready.
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Sometimes things happen for a reason even if we don’t know why and this seems to be of those moments. I never click onto these types of sites but for some reason did so today. I am in the midst of reading one of your books but wasn’t happy because I just bought it at the store but I had already bought it. I thought it was new but it’s note. But I am reading it anyway because I love your books and yes, I did wonder why there has been nothing new.
With that said…I lost my mother and my brother, whom I was very, very close with, within a year of each other and four years after my brother’s death my father, whom I was also very close with, as well. And I just recently lost my boyfriend of 18 and a half years. As much as I miss them I truly believe that they are here with me and that I am a part of them as well. They have made a big influence in my life and I know I was part of theirs. Life moves forward. We don’t forget. But one thing I do know is that I want to reflect the best of them as they influenced my life and make them proud.
An answer comes, a reminder of something comes, a feeling inside…they are there.
Maybe you want to write a book with her as your influence. Writing what you did was a big source to healing. Whatever you want to do. Catch your breath, grab the arms that have been sent to you from all of us. Your source of healing has already inspiredyou to move forward. You will never forget but you can reflect.
Beth
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I came to your website today to look up a booklist. I recently read one of your books and want to read more. The title of this post intrigued me. I’m so sorry for your loss. My father in law passed away on the exact same day as your beloved cousin at the age of 68 following a year long battle with cancer. So, I will definitely be praying for you.
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I keep checking my mail to see if you are back to the blog and have been sad to see you are still so sad. This winter I’ve done a huge re-read, starting with the first McKettrick book and gone through the generations to include the Creed cousins. The Lawman’s Christmas and McKettrick Heart are still my favorites!
I hope spring brings a new vitality to you and you get back to writing and writing to us! I’m looking forward to reading the new Civil War books, knowing they will be great.
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Hi Linda. If you can, please send a note just saying you’re alright. If you don’t blog anymore, that’s okay. I would just like to know that you are alright.
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Hi Linda, hope you are well, please let us know how you are. Wishing you and your family and happy and blessed Easter.
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I came to your site to ask a question about your books, but my question can wait. I hope that you are being gentle with yourself as you grieve your beloved cousin. In our society we don’t have the rituals that we need or the support that we need, as we adjust to the loss of a loved one. After the funeral we are expected to go back to life as it was but we must give ourselves time and allow ourselves to have our feelings. I personally would not think any less of you if you did snivel a bit! I pray that you are finding the strength and support you need.
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Hello, Ms. Miller,
Just found your website & blog with the message of the loss of your beloved cousin. I am so very sorry to hear of her loss. Having the loss of my beloved grandmother, mother, 2 brothers & many friends in the last few years, i can relate to how you must be feeling!
I can only add to the many comments that Our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, will give you His Peace, Comfort and Guidance through your sorrow!
Give yourself all the time you need to grieve her loss but also rejoice in the wonderful memories you have shared with her. Don’t cut out your relationships with others as you need them & they need you!
Sent with Christian love and Blessings
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I know this is six months late but new email address, new computer, new house, new town, bad wreck, totaled my car, broke my leg, and read a lot of books. The only good thing that happens when you are laid up with an injury. I am sure you are aware that there are five or six stages to grief and it takes a while to make it through all of them. When that grief is from the loss of someone as close as your cousin, it takes a lot longer. I hope that as this year passes into 2019 that you will find peace for your broken heart and begin the long road back to learning how to live without her. God bless you and you will be in my prayers.
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May God hold you in the palm of his hand.