I just got home from Toronto, and as we drove in, I was thrilled to see Buck out there in the pasture with all the other horses, happily munching hay. Still, there’s no room for denial here–he’s old–at least 26–and in a tearful visit before I left for Canada on Monday morning, I told him not to stay here on my account if he needs to go. The vet says he’s shutting down, and so does my friend, Karen, who is an experienced animal communicator. So I’m doing my very best not to Hold On, the way we do when we love somebody.
It was a rough day–traveling all day, after getting up VERY early, etc.–and I thought to myself that if quitting smoking is this hard, I’m not sure I can do it. I’d promised my daughter I’d call if the cravings got too bad, though, and since I was rushing from one plane to another, that didn’t seem feasible. I took a long nap after I got home, and then indulged in my second favorite remedy, a hot bath. Lo and behold, no nicotine patch! No WONDER I wanted a smoke all day–my patch was floating around in my sweater sleeve the entire time! I’m sure one glad cowgirl–thank heaven I didn’t light up! (For those of you who want to quit, I’m off the Chantix–I got the blues–but the nicotine patch is working for me.)
I’m planning to zap Buck with some concentrated Reiki–I’ve seen it work miracles with other pets–but at the same time, I’m determined to let go if that’s what needs to happen. Keep the old Buckaroo in your thoughts and prayers, please. He’s one faithful old horse, and I love him with all my heart. That’s the second part of the sacred contract–the first part is, I’ll be there. You have a home. You’re mine and I’m not giving you up. The second is, when the time comes, I’ll let you go with my blessing. Because bottomline, this is about what’s best for the Buckaroo, not my grief over losing him.
Just the same, keep this cowgirl in your prayers, if you will. Ask God to make me strong enough to do the right thing–for Buck.
And thanks for being there, and for all your kind emails and notes. You’ll never know how much it means to me!